What do Kevin Hart, Cat’s in the Cradle, and every law firm owner who “just has to pop into the office for 20 minutes” have in common?
It’s not that all three of them have mastered the ancient art of being in two places at once (if you have, call me, I have questions).
Instead, it’s about what to do so you do not feel guilty about missing family events.
Look, I genuinely have no idea how often Kevin Hart sees his kids, or what their relationship is like, but the best joke from his roast was about how him not seeing them to make Jumanji 3 is probably not the best idea (I cannot repeat the exact joke or do it justice here).
Cat Steven’s Cat’s in the Cradle is a punch in the gut set to guitar. And the “20 minutes” lie is how we end up missing a birthday dinner while telling ourselves we’re doing it “for the family.”
And look, I’m not writing this from the top of a mountain with a perfect calendar and angelic children applauding my boundaries. I only have 1 kid, and he is me to me (which is a story for another newsletter, and many therapy sessions).
I’ve missed stuff; I’ve overworked; I’ve told myself, “This season is temporary,” only I made sure it was true and not just a low-key lifestyle I now owned.
If you know me, you know my WHOLE story about changing my firm and life that starts in my kitchen at the breakfast bar when I found out I was going to be a dad. That’s what empowered me to cut a $137,000 a year marketing budget to $0 (okay, okay, I still went to lunch a few times.) But I figured if we were going to go out of business I was at least going to get to spend time with my son.
So if you’re feeling that guilt right now, here’s the good news:
Guilt is data, it’s not a life sentence…IF you make the changes to get the change you want.
The Lie We Tell Ourselves
The lie sounds noble:
“If I miss this family thing now, it’s so I can give them a better life later.”
Sometimes that’s true, b ut a lot of the time, it’s not. Your kids did not ask for this sacrifice and the truth is really that:
“I don’t trust my team.” or “I’m afraid the firm will wobble without me.” (Or you’re afraid it will NOT wobble without you) or
“I don’t know how to say no without feeling like a monster.”
And because we’re lawyers, we can build a case for anything.
Exhibit A: “But the client needs me.”
Exhibit B: “It’s a deadline.”
Exhibit C: “It’ll only be this once.” (Narrator voice: it was not, in fact, once.)
On the one hand, we can cut ourselves some slack. How many superhero movies only happen because the hero did something stupid like building Ultron, trying a spell to change the whole world, or forcing his parents to walk home the wrong way down Crime Alley so he could become Batman?
In real life, the guilt shows up because deep down you know something important:
Your family didn’t sign up to be your firm’s side hustle.
What Actually Needs to Change
Here’s the mindset shift that helped a bunch of clients:
1. Stop treating family events like “nice-to-haves.”
2. Start treating them like “non-negotiable commitments.”
In other words, put your kid’s recital on the calendar the same way you put a hearing on the calendar. Pro-tip also include drive time and a buffer to actually enjoy the event with them.
Not because the recital is “more important than your business” in some abstract morality contest, b ut because if the business constantly wins, you wake up one day with a thriving firm and a weird sense that your actual life is happening in another house to another family and sometimes you get to drop in and watch it between the things you are letting be more important.
Also, the business is never done. Your inbox is a hydra. Cut off one email and three more appear with the subject line “Quick Question” (it will not be quick).
So the goal is not “never miss anything.”
The goal is:
Miss less, Be intentional about what you do miss, Stop using guilt as your project manager. What This Looks Like in Real Life
When my wife and I did that long road trip while the firm kept running, it was the ultimate stress test.
It was basically saying: “Hey business, I’m going to be in the middle of nowhere with questionable Wi-Fi and a child who may or may not survive another car snack situation. Good luck!”
And you know what happened?
The firm. Ran. Well!
Not perfectly. Not magically. There were hiccups, but the world did not end. We had two really great business years, because we were working on building the foundation before we left.
But let’s be real, we had an AMAZING year as a family. Heck, to this day I wonder if that will be the coolest year of my life or not (and then make it my mission to make sure it’s not).
No one is erecting a statue of us outside the courthouse because we answered slack on another vacation…but sometimes my son does say something nice about me!
That trip wasn’t just about travel. It was proof of concept.
If you build the right systems and team, you can be present more often without your firm collapsing like a cheap IKEA bookshelf.
That’s the real win. Not “perfect balance.” Just fewer regrets and more control.
How to Start Fixing It
Here are a few practical moves that don’t require a monastery or a sabbatical.
1) Let the Past Go
I don’t need you to sit down and rehash everything you missed (or just were not actually present for) and reopen those wounds.
Instead, from now on when you are going to miss something, write the real reason. Not the polite reason.
“Trial prep” might be true, but “I didn’t delegate intake follow-up and I’m the bottleneck” is usually the spicy truth.
2) Create Two Tiers of Events
Tier 1: non-negotiable (birthdays, recitals, anniversaries, the stuff that will absolutely haunt you at 2 a.m). Tier 2: flexible (the random Tuesday dinner that can be moved.)
Your goal is not to never miss Tier 2. Your goal is to protect Tier 1 like it’s evidence in your most important case instead of evidence in a future divorce proceedings or your child’s therapy sessions.
3) Build a Coverage Plan
If you’re the only one who can answer “Is this an emergency?”, then everything becomes an emergency.
Set rules:
Who decides what’s urgent? What counts as urgent? How do you get notified? What waits until tomorrow?
Most “emergencies” in firms are actually “we didn’t decide how to handle this in advance.”
4) Put Weekly Meetings to Work
Use your Weekly meeting to look ahead at the week (with my EA we look 2 weeks ahead) and name conflicts before they happen.
If there’s a family event Thursday night, plan for it on Monday morning like an adult. Not Thursday at 5:17 p.m. while you pretend you’re still coming and your spouse says it’s fine but with that tone that makes it clear it is NOT fine.
5) Replace Guilt with Repair
If you miss something, don’t spiral.
Repair fast:
Apologize without excuses. Name what you’ll change next time. Schedule the make-up moment. Kids do not need perfection. They need presence and repair. So do spouse…so do you, frankly.
If reading this made you feel a little called out, you’re welcome!
I would rather you get it from me in an email with tips to help you now instead of when it’s too late, because it’s not too late.
A nd if you need help building the systems so your firm stops stealing your life one “quick call” at a time and the accountability to actually show up to family events, that’s literally what I do with firm owners all day. It’s way easier to fix this with someone outside your business who can see the patterns you’re too close to notice.
Learn more about Atticus coaching and schedule a free consultation .
Next week , we are going super deep on Your Staff Probably Isn’t Quitting for Money .
Until then,
Take five minutes, open your calendar for the next two weeks, and label ONE family event as “court-level non-negotiable.”
Then pick one work thing you can delegate or reschedule to protect the important family event. If you can’t find anything to move, that’s your clue.