Balancing Chores and Joy in Relationships

If you're reading this on the day it was sent, then it's my Birthday!!!!

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Yes, I am totally one of those people who thinks we should celebrate Birthdays all day, week, month, etc. But, to be fair, I try to do the same for others who I am close too also.

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My wife's Birthday was at the end of April, and she got a new laptop, we went to Volcano Bay Day, my son and I made her a cake, we did a weekend trip, etc.

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But that's not the important thing (at least not for anyone but her).

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The important thing is that the more you invest in the important relationships the more you get out of it.

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For a spouse (especially if they're also a business partner) I am a big fan of Fair Play.

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The thing AND the book by Eve Rodsky.

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She's a lawyer who wrote this book about couples and fairness in the home. There are also physical cards that you can buy that go with the book, and I HIGHLY suggest getting them.

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Shout out to Elise Buie for sharing this book and the cards. 

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What is Fair?

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Here's the part that is going to be different for everyone. If you're reading this, you are probably a law firm owner, and you're probably between 30-50 which means statistically you're married or otherwise in a commitment relationship of some sort.

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So what is a fair breakdown of chores and responsibilities in the house?

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Fairness is different for everyone. If you are working 60 hours a week as the breadwinner, fair is not 50/50, it might be 75/25 them.

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If you are business partners with your spouse, but they work 5 days a week and you work 3 days a week...50/50 also isn't fair, it might be 66/33 you.

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At the end of the day, the books (and the cards) help you realize what goes into running a household and seeing who bears the brunt more than anyone else.

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Honestly, though, I would pass out the cards first and see where everyone stands before forcing the % that is "fair."

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I thought my wife and I were pretty even, and I ended up with slightly more than 40% of the cards that we had already figured out who was responsible for.

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What's in it for Me?

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Honestly, probably more chores.  

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But also a happier spouse or significant other. A better home environment. Fewer things on the dread to-do list because you can apply a lot of the same principles that help you run a good business to your home life.

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Let me give you my run-down so you can see it in action.

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My wife and I own Driven Law (formerly Jordan Law) together. She does the legal work, I run the company. She doesn't have a second business but has been teaching 1 class a semester at my alma mater UCF. Go Knights! Charge On!  

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She works slightly more than I do, so we are pretty close to 50/50 with the cards...maybe 55/45 me.

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Here are my Cards:

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Normal Chores

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Meals (all)

Groceries

Garbage

Dishes

I like cooking (and finding new restaurants). My wife doesn't. So this is an easy batch for me to take. The way we bundled it, I buy the stuff, cook the stuff, throw the stuff out, and wash the stuff the food came on.

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Everyone else just tells Alexa what to add to the grocery list. Yes, the 5-year-old makes requests.

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But this helps me know what we have, and where everything is in the house, and then if we are missing something it's all my fault. Then I go food shopping Tuesday/Wednesday or I instacart stuff to the house.

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MAN STUFF

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Cash and Bills

Job Loss & Money Problems

Money Manager

First Aid, Safety & Emergency

Serious Illness

Death

Please know I am totally kidding with the title here. In fact, many studies have found women to actually be better investors because they have patience.

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But again, here are the things I like doing (money stuff...I am Jewish) and the stuff my less emotional nature is more suited to (the injury stuff). My wife and I have separate bank accounts, mine pays almost all the bills (I think the internet is still hers), but hence my ranting on automatic bill pay!

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FUN STUFF

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Charity, Community Service, Good Deeds

Values & Good Deeds

Calendar Keeper

Social Plans (Couples)

Hosting

These are things that I think are fun and rewarding. I'm on the board for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Florida (and currently running a b-day fundraiser if it strikes your fancy to donate to a great cause).

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Also, running the calendar and the social plans and hosting makes sense because now I can bring my networking into household stuff too

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More Networking Opportunities

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Home Maintenance

Lawn and Plants

Health Insurance

Home Purchase/Mortgage/Insurance

Electronics and IT

Money Manager

Estate Planning and Life Insurance

Here's a list of cards I am responsible for, that ALSO doubles as a list of referral sources I send business to.

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KIDS

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If you don't have kids, this part is less relevant, if you do...here is the breakdown for me

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Showing Up & Participating (Kids)

School Service (Kids)

Tutoring and Coaching

Discipline and Screen Time

Medical and Healthy Living

Dental

Hard Questions

Morning Routine (Kids)

For the first two, I have a NEED/DESIRE to go to his school as much as possible. I used to be the ONLY dad most of the time, now it's probably 33/66 Men/Women. But just like I want to push things away from being MEN things or WOMEN things, I want to show kids that dads can be the room...dad? person? too.

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Then we just looked at what made the most sense with my son's stuff. I am more the discipline person and if I have the illnesses I might as well have the proactive health stuff too.

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Plus I can do a lot of the community service cards with my son.

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So What Can I Learn from This?

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1) Have systems and processes for home as well as the business - it's just more efficient

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2) The more you understand the burden those you care about have, the easier it is to pitch in more

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3) A happy life > a solid business

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4) You can actually use a lot of this stuff to grow your firm - hence my referral sources who I can buy from

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5) It's more fun. I promise you, as much as I HATE doing dishes some days, I LOVE knowing I never have to do laundry again...(sort of kidding).

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But seriously, I LOVE knowing what is mine to do and what isn't. It's the same thing in a business when you have people who are accountable for things (or not).

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So there we go! I hope this helps empower you to have a better relationship with those you care the most about and ultimately life a happier life!

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